THROWBACK TO ME | Part 2

Well hello there 18-year old me! You’re officially of legal age, although you certainly still don’t feel like it. Case in point: that Hello Kitty cake for your birthday. But it’s all good. High school went by so fast, it felt like you woke up the next day and boom you’re in college. It was a bit of a challenge during your freshman year as you transitioned from provincial life to city living. Aside from being apart from your family, you don’t always see your high school buddies that much anymore.

Now, you’re on your sophomore year and things are getting better for you. Your block mates are becoming like family to you. You attend classes together, eat lunch together, laugh together, hang out together, and support each other. And despite your previous uncertainty about your course, you realize that this is actually something you really like. Word of caution though: things will get harder in the next years so hold on tight. There will be days when you’d want to quit and go back home because a professor made you cry. There will be days when you’d feel like you’re out of ideas and words because of so much revisions. There will be days when you’d prefer to skip class because you’ve been missing a good sleep. Yet you get up, you try again, you finish what you started. Not just because you know it’s the right thing to do, but because you know you’ll regret not giving it your best. 

More than the technical stuff you’re learning from school, you’re also learning practical life skills that will help get you through adulthood. Since you don’t have a laptop at this time, you learn the value of time management. From writing your draft on yellow paper, you then have to walk to one of the computer shops along Pedro Gil to encode and print your paper. (Sadly, that old shop you used to go to has been demolished). After this, you brisk walk or run your way back to your dorm so as not to miss the curfew. I kinda miss this now actually. Not the brisk walking part, but the discipline and perseverance of the whole process. Around this time, you’re also learning how to budget your weekly allowance, how to commute around Manila, and how to cook pancit canton without a stove. You even learned how to escape a smelly stranger who thought you were up for human trafficking. Good on you, girl.

What you have not learned at this point, however, is how to handle your heart. Yes, I’m talking about that guy. That guy that you like so much, you’re willing to break you mom’s rule of no boyfriend till you graduate. That guy. Your 18-year old self is probably blushing right now, but please focus and listen to what I’m about to say. Sit properly and look at me. Dear, he’s not the one. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. You can’t see now because you don’t want to see it. Your feelings have blinded you. But deep down you know, no mater how hopeful you are, that it’s not for your best. This pseudo thing you have with him can’t even be called a relationship. You keep on hoping that after his fling with another girl, he’ll finally choose you. The cycle keeps repeating, but has he chosen you? No, he has not. It’s like you are kept as a spare, but never an option. And you don’t want that. You are worth more than that. Thankfully, the Lord will intervene on this situation and you will eventually see the silver lining. Ties will be cut, tears will be shed. You will live your life, he will live his. But fret not, here’s a positive glimpse of the future: in 2011, it will make sense all the more why it was best for you and for him not to have been together. And you will be eternally grateful that God has saved you from a would have been disaster.

As I reach the end of this letter, there are a couple more things I’d like to share with you as you spend your last years in college. First, saying yes to Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior is the best decision you’ve ever made. It may not seem like you’re growing as a Christian, but don’t give up. Nourish that relationship, continue to read your bible, and surround yourself with people who will lead you closer to Him. Second, things will not always go the way you planned them to be (one word: thesis). Take heart and be patient. It’s just a momentary hurdle, you can overcome. And lastly, get your head up high. Better days are ahead, so don’t miss out on this great adventure called life.

***

Want to read the first letter in this 3-part series? Click here.

I’ll be posting the last part before the end of the year, so stay tuned 💕

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